Sorry for the title but there's just no other way to say it. I get emails on a daily basis from people wanting workout programs of diet/nutrition recommendations. That's AWESOME! Heck, that's how I make a chunk of my income. Through the onboarding process I ask a ton of questions to get a complete picture of the person who I would love to help through their physical journey. One question in particular matters more than all others. Why do you want to lose body fat, get stronger, run faster etc. If your answer is something having to do with how others perceive you than I will do my best to work with you, as I want to help as many people as possible, but chances are that long term, you won't succeed. To understand this lets look at some psychological underpinnings.
Example:
"Joe, why do you want to lose weight?"
"I just want to get rid of these love handles."
"Right on. Why does losing your love handles matter to you?"
"I just think that if I get abs and lose my love handles people will look at me differently."
Here in lies the problem. If Joe's primary motivation is to get recognition from other people in order to boost his self esteem by getting ripped he may hit his goal. He could get abs. Then after a few weeks he will realized that people are still treating him basically the same. He has built a façade of awesomeness. That's cool at first but after people get to know him the inner self esteem issues will resurface and people will start acting toward him as they always did. Or at least he will perceive them as treating him like they did before.
Compare this situation to one where a client wants to lose weight so they can actually play with their grandchildren without losing their breath, or a guy who wants to see how big of a total he can hit at a powerlifting meet. Although those goals are slightly different they are goals that are internal goals. They are goals to impact a client's life within themselves. Often while achieving these goals the people will start to look better as well. That's isn't the primary goal though.
Typically the follow up question of "why is that your goal?" is the revealing question you need to get to. If Joe wanted to lose his love handles to see how lean and ripped he can get as a personal goal not as a way to get other people to "like" him then he will probably succeed in whatever goals he has for himself.
This is similar to how addicts overcome drugs. If they quit because it's better for their family addicts will often fail. If they quit for themselves the chance of success goes way up. Health and fitness are no different.
I hope this helps you guys a bit. I feel for people who want to be accepted. Most everyone wants this, but for the sake of your success, you need to how to focus your goal internally. If you can't do this then you need to work loving yourself for who you are before worrying about training and dieting to be accepted by others.
Talk to you soon,
Dan Mason
Dan is a nationally ranked amateur
strongman competitor in the 242lb
and 275lb classes. He holds instructor
level ranks in Taekwondo, Muay Thai,
and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. He as been
training people for strength and martial
arts since 2004.
RoninSTR@gmail.com
Instagram: @RoninSTR
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